


In which Karkat doubts everything and Dave and John make him feel better

by hpd_lance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, John is OOC but idec, Karkat Hates Himself, Karkat Needs a Hug, M/M, Poor Karkat, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Hatred, There are some trigger warnings there, They're all a lil OOC tbh, happy ending kind of, it's gone now, welp, where did that implied/referenced homophobia tag come from i didn't put it there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4104997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is actually kind of based on a feeling I had :^)</p>
<p>Karkat has a bout of depression and anxiety. Needs reassurance. Just read it I guess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Karkat doubts everything and Dave and John make him feel better

Your name is Karkat Vantas.

You're lying in bed, it's one in the morning, your friends are all sound asleep in their own homes, and you're crying.

You're sobbing. Your nose is running, you can barely breathe.

_They don't actually like you, dumbass. How could they ever like you? You're loud, obnoxious, downright annoying, of course they don't like you! And Dave. Dave hates you. He'll never like you the way you like him. He just deals with you because if he didn't you wouldn't have any friends. John hates you too-- he thinks you're stupid and ugly._  
You can't stop the part of your brain that comes up with these thoughts. It doesn't stop, no matter how hard you cry, no matter how hard you bite down on the fatty part of your upper arm. They don't stop.  
_How could they ever like you? You should just give up, nobody would miss you, it's not like anybody noticed the scars on your arms the first time._  
No. You're wrong. Dave noticed. John noticed.  
_Nobody would care if you died._  
"BUT I'M SCARED!" The words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them.  
_Nobody loves you._  
You cover your ears with your hands and curl into the fetal position, tears still streaming down your cheeks. "Nonononononononono." You keep muttering to yourself.  
_Everybody hates you._  
"Stop. Stop. Stop stop stopstopstop." You say, balling your fists, pulling at your hair.  
_They hate you. You should stop existing._

Your phone vibrates on your desk.

It's a message in your group conversation with Dave and John.

**guess who couldnt sleep** Reads the message. It was Dave. You sigh, trying to even out your breath.

**whoa karkat i thought you went to bed hours ago  
are you okay?**

You hesitate before answering.

**NO.**

You don't have to wait long for a reply.

**do you want to talk about it?  
** **i dont even care if you dont im coming over**  
**stay right there**

Dave don't you dare.

**DAVE DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE.**

You don't get a reply from Dave.

**woah guys, why are you still up?**

**oh  
karkat i'm coming too just don't hurt yourself**

You don't _want_ them to come over!  
You bite down on your arm to keep yourself from screaming. It hurts, but you ignore the pain.

You hear a car pull into your driveway, followed by another car, doors shut, and you hear your front door open. Fuck. You forgot to lock it again.

"Karkat!" Dave's voice calls.  
You curl back into the fetal position, covering your ears.

You can still hear their footsteps pounding up the stairs, despite your best efforts to block them out.

"Karkat?!" You could hear the worry in Dave's voice. He had never let that much of a tone seep into his voice. Never. You knew you should respond. But your voice just.... stopped working.

"KARKAT VANTAS IF YOU DON'T RESPOND RIGHT NOW--" Dave is scared. He's... scared. You've scared Dave Strider.

You hear John say something. You don't know what he said.

You hear your door open.

"Karkitty. Hey Kitkat. You okay?" Dave asks.

You shake your head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You shake your head again.

"Hey, Karcrab. You can't keep all your emotions bottled up like this. It's not good for you, and I'm not saying you'll explode, but you might explode."

You realize that John is being uncharacteristically quiet. You wonder why.

"Bro. Hey. Do you want a hug?"

You don't even answer before flinging yourself into Dave's open arms. The tears start rolling before you can stop them. "D-Do you guys actually l-like me, or a-are you just pretending?" You half-demand-half-sob into Dave's chest.

"What kind of a stupid question is that? Why else would we be here at two in the A.M. to have a feelings jam?" Dave answers.

You're probably getting snot and tears all over his shirt. You hope he doesn't mind.

"Hey. Karkat?"

The first thing John has said since he got here! A round of applause!

"If we didn't like you, why would we even be your friends? There'd be no point. Obviously we like you."

_Or maybe you just pity my miserable existence._

Johns arms are soon wrapped around you and Dave. You feel warm. Almost... loved. You like this feeling.

You're not sure when the three of you sat on the bed. You must have been half-concious for part of this.  
Dave pulls you into his lap like you're a toddler who just had a nightmare, which normally you'd fight against, but you realize you kind of are a toddler who'd had a nightmare.

He starts rocking back and forth, softly humming a song that sounds almost like a slowed-down version of Bad Apple. You would laugh, except you're too tired. You can feel your eyelids drooping, feel John patting your back rhythmically, hear Dave's humming.

And in that moment, you had never felt more loved in your life.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah um
> 
> Basically I had this feeling that nobody actually likes me and they only put up with me because they feel sorry for me and I kind of bit my arm to take my mind off of those thoughts but like  
> the thoughts just kept coming??? so basically I'm letting it out c':
> 
> I wish I had friends like John and Dave


End file.
